YOUR BABY AND YOU
—THINGS TO CONSIDER—
“When a man and a woman conceive a child out of wedlock, every effort should be made to encourage them to marry. When the probability of a successful marriage is unlikely … unwed parents should be counseled to place the child for adoption…” 1
BENEFITS OF BEING RAISED BY A MOTHER AND FATHER
“Recent studies document the importance of fathers in the lives of their children. Children develop best when they have warm, intimate, continuous, and enduring relationships with both their fathers and their mothers.” 2
Children growing up with a father and mother are less likely to drop out of school, to divorce or separate, and/or to depend on welfare. They are also less likely to become pregnant out-of-wedlock and engage in delinquent behavior.3
EFFECTS OF SINGLE PARENTING ON MOTHER AND CHILD
“Data shows that women who have nonmarital births have lower educational attainment and lower incomes, are less likely to work full time, and more likely to receive welfare.” 4
Children who are raised by a single parent are “five times as likely to be poor, twice as likely to drop out of school and two to three times more likely as adults to commit crimes”. 3
Single mothers experience “disproportionately higher rates of physical and psychiatric illness” than married mothers. Single mothers also report less social involvement and fewer contacts with friends.5
POSITIVE EFFECTS OF ADOPTION
Children placed in adoptive homes have better scores in school and engage in less delinquent behavior than children raised by a single parent. 6
Children in adoptive families have better health status and higher quality home environment than all other children. 6
Mothers who place their child for adoption are “more likely to finish school and less likely to live in poverty”. 6
Mothers who choose adoption are more likely to marry than those who parent their baby. 6
“Adoption is not a breaking of trust but a keeping of faith… not the abandonment of a baby but an abandonment of self for a baby’s sake.” 7
1 First Presidency Letter (2002). The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
2 Nelson, D.W., Moore K.A. (1999). The Right Start: State Trends. Child Trends KIDS COUNT Special Report, 4-14. Retrieved October 25, 2005, www.aecf.org/kidscount/rightstart2/docs/city_introduction.htm
3 Gallagher, M. (1999) The Age of Unwed Mothers: Is teen Pregnancy the Problem?. A Report to the Nation, 4-5.
4 Terry-Humen, E., Manlove, J., Moore, K.A. (2001) Birth Outside of Marriage:Perceptions vs. Reality. Child Trends Research Brief, April 2001.
5 Cairney J., Boyle M., Offord D.R., Racine Y. (2003). Stress, social support and depression in single and married mothers. Social Psychiatry Psychiatric Epidemiology, 38, 442-449.
6 Fagan, Patrick F. (1999) Adoption: The Best Option. In Marchner, C. & Pierce, W.L. (Eds.), Adoption Factbook III (pp. 2-6). Waite Park, MN: Park Press Quality Printing Inc.
7 Young, Curtis (2001). The Missing Piece: Adoption Counseling in Pregnancy Resource Centers. Family Research Council,
8(1). Retrieved March 1, 2005, Heartlink Website: http://www.family.org/pregnancy/archives/a0030048.cfm.
BIRTH PARENT MYTHS
Most birth mothers who place their babies for adoption are teenagers.
Most birth mothers who choose adoption are in their early twenties, although women of all ages make this decision.
Birth parents who place their babies for adoption are abandoning their responsibility and taking the “easy way out.”
There is no easy way out of unplanned pregnancy; any option involves emotional pain. Most birth mothers who do not choose abortion make the choice initially to parent their babies. Those who choose adoption do so after taking some time to carefully consider their options and the best interests of their child. Adoption is a courageous, loving choice which shows that the birth mother takes seriously the responsibility to be a parent.
An adoptive parent cannot love a child as much as a biological parent can.
Love is not based on biology. Many loving relationships are between individuals who are not related to each other, such as husbands and wives. The love of a parent comes from preparing for a child and selflessly nurturing and caring for that child.
A birth mother can reclaim her child after adoption.
Once a birth mother’s rights have been terminated, she cannot reclaim her child. Cases of birth parents obtaining custody after adoption are extremely rare and are exaggerated by the media.
After a child has been placed, a birth mother cannot have any contact with the child.
Adoption practices have changed over the years. Today most birth mothers have some contact with their children. Arrangements are agreed upon by the birth mother and the adoptive parents and are based upon the needs and desires of all concerned.
Children who were adopted are more likely to have physical or emotional challenges.
It is impossible to predict how any child will turn out, whether biological or adopted. Generally, children who were adopted as infants are as emotionally healthy as children who were not adopted. Children who were adopted when older may have challenges resulting from adverse conditions in their early lives, such as neglect, abuse, or lack of attachment. These challenges do not result from the adoption itself.
Birth mothers never recover from the emotional pain of placing a child for adoption.
Birth mothers who choose adoption go through a grieving process, which is a healthy way of dealing with loss. But most birth mothers also report finding peace in the knowledge that they did all in their power to provide the best life possible for their child. They find that the experience gives them the strength and confidence to face other challenges throughout their lives.
For more information about LDS Family Services adoption services, please call 1-800-537-2229 or visit itsaboutlove.org
